Put on a Happy Face?

Put on a Happy Face

Divorce is a prime example of just one of the many horrendous ordeals that today’s children might have to suffer and endure during their childhood.

Put on a Happy Face?

Supporters of self-help theories tell divorcing parents to:

  • give their children reassurance and unconditional love
  • make them feel protected and reassured
  • tell them that everything will be ok

It is our experience that although the parents try hard to do all of the above, they would need to be near saintly or Oscar holders to accomplish the first two, and the child that believes the last item is a rarity.

Here at Martin Vermaak and Associates Inc, we understand how you must feel. We know that when your trusted and beloved spouse has deceived and betrayed you right under your nose, it destroys your self confidence and belief in the sanctity of the family unit. We have observed how you could become a little short on the feeling of goodwill and love to your fellow man. Further, we know that you have difficulty in encouraging your children to believe something that you are at your most uncertain of.

Don’t Play the Blame Game

Self Help Supporters tell you to:

  • be honest and tell your children the truth
  • tell your children the reason for the divorce
  • not blame anyone for the break up of the marriage
  • not criticise anyone for their behaviour during or after
  • not overwhelm your children with details

Philosophers would have a field day with the above. In real everyday life which parent can resist saying to their daughter/son:

  • “..and don’t grow up like  your Mother/Father..”
  • “..it wasn’t my fault it was hers/his..”
  • “…you’re too young to understand…”
  • “…make sure this doesn’t happen to you when you’re older…”
  • “…don’t get married when you grow up or you might end up like this...”

Parents mourn the loss of their cheating, disloyal spouses. They become reactionary, irrational and angry. They often lash out and say things they don’t really mean. Clearly, they should not make these comments - either in front of or to their children but - they’re only human. Martin Vermaak and Associates Inc feels you have the right to mourn and be human but first, get the specialist support you need.

Soothing the Stigma

Deep down inside, most children feel some shame, some disgrace, and some guilt about their parents’ divorce. No matter how irrational this may sound, they invariably think that in some small way, their behaviour was a contributing factor to the divorce. It becomes their dark little secret. They become confused and hurt and their condition needs very careful handling if it is not to have major impact on their later lives.

Get Professional Help

Don’t try to swim upstream without professional assistance. Many Clinical Psychologists specialise in situations such as these and many of them are contracted in to Medical Aid rates. They are empathetic of your situation as a parent and thus they do not request you to do the impossible with your children. Specialists are skilled professionals who are there to help you and your children to get through the divorce and prepare for your future life thereafter.

Nobody Does It Better

They will listen, analyse and interpret much more accurately that you can – especially in your current condition of turbulence.

They will encourage, reassure and explain much more lucidly and effectively that you would – whilst your thoughts are contradictory from day to day.

They will show the calm, the patience and the stability much more credibly that you are able to – the centre of your world has spun out and you cannot stabilise yourself, let alone your children.

Skills of the Specialists

You wouldn’t dream of doing your own surgical procedures.

You’ve instructed a Divorce Attorney – hopefully a Specialist like us – to handle your Divorce.

Now complete the job and put the children first and in the hands of a Professional.

If you have instructed a Specialist Divorce and Family Law Attorney like Martin Vermaak and Associates Inc., we will already have advised you on the matter of your children.

Children are one of our first concerns and we enjoy good professional working relations with many Clinical Psychologists who specialise in different areas, so we will always be able to assist you in locating the right help for your children.