He cheated on me and it hurt me in a way I hadn’t been hurt before.I couldn’t believe my own husband would deceive me that way. He did it again with yet another woman and eventually, over time, he left a string of mistresses in his wake. I couldn’t prove the affairs, but that was mostly because I really didn’t want to be confronted with the proof and have to deal with it. So I threw myself further into my personnel agency businessand told myself it was just my suspicious mind.
After another year of tolerating his unfaithfulness I went to an Attorney who promptly asked me why I’d allowed this to continue. I felt as though he was insinuating that I was the guilty party for putting up with my husband’s disloyalty.
My husband had always said I was too proud to go the divorce route as my public profile was way too important to me. He had also told me that if he ever looked at another woman it would be my own fault because I gave my business more attention than I gave him.
During the meeting with the Attorney I started second guessing myself and feeling more and more like a failure. I only had the first consultation and never went back.
After my husband’s first extra-marital relationship I had found myself withdrawing from him; feeling wounded and rejected, yet at the same time wondering if I even still wanted to be with him. I think that’s why I could never trust him enough to have children with him. Over the years that followed, I experienced intensely conflicting emotions of wanting to be loved by him and yet feeling repulsed by his betrayals. During his infidelities I lied to myself to keep things from falling apart and he laughed at my doubts and pretended to be oh so hurt that I should think him false.
About six years later, I did something my husband was certain I’d never do – I instructed Specialist Divorce and Family Law Attorneys to launch a divorce action against my spouse.I‘d chosen Martin Vermaak Attorneys as a friend of mine recommended them after they’d handled her divorce so expertly.
At my first consultation I was really apprehensive and self-protective in case they judged me – as was the case with the previous Attorneys. So I was guarded and defensive and it took a while before I realised that these Attorneys had really made an effort to put me at my ease and not once had they shown any form of judgement or criticism toward me. In fact the situation was quite the opposite. I’d made a few self-deprecating remarks and they stopped me and reassured me I was only human after all and they were there to help me.
Sitting with the Divorce Attorneys at the first consultation, I told them about my husband’s initial low self-esteem and how he’d always flirted with every pretty girl to bolster his own confidence levels. I explained to my Attorneys how that had made me feel insecure and filled with self-doubt. They seemed to understand and suddenly the words came pouring out. I was not lying to myself anymore, I was telling the truth to absolute strangers and it felt so good I couldn’t stop. With everything out in the open, I had nowhere left and no reason to hide. There was no turning back; and a few weeks later I instructed my Specialist Divorce Attorneys to proceed.
When my husband received his Summons he was beside himself with fear. I’d never seen him like that before. He began by asking me out on a supper date – a first in many years! I was surprised and confused and then I shook my head and laughed. He became enraged and threatened me but I couldn’t stop laughing; so he screamed someinsults at me and left.
My husband instructed Attorneys and proceeded to oppose the divorce. It was then that I had some misgivings about the whole thing and felt exposed and vulnerable, but my Divorce Attorneys explained that it was natural to feel like that. At one point I almost put the brakes on and backed out of the divorce. My Attorneys gave me a list of Clinical Psychologists in my area with whom they often worked, and I went for counselling. This brought a new kind of re-assurance and calmness to me and made me appreciate that I’d advanced too far to find reverse now. So, after some shaky weeks of ‘on again off again’ confusion, I found my resolve. After that I didn’t understand why my husband fought the divorce so hard as he was losing ground and money he couldn’t afford.
As the divorce progressed my Specialist Attorneys discovered my spouse had forged my signature on several documents from which he had benefitted. That revelation shocked me to the core. It had never occurred to me that he would do anything fraudulent.
Facing up to all these facts wasn’t easy but I realised I’d been hiding from the truth. The old saying that pride comes before a fall was right in my case. I’d been more concerned with what people would think of me than dealing with that cheat of a husband and moving on.I had covered up things so well and pretended there was nothing wrong that over the years I had started to believe my own lies!
Now I look back on the divorce and realise that was the beginning of my now happy life and I should have done it sooner.I learned the hard way that I had to free myself by ending one unhappy and painful chapter of my life before I could begin a happy and pleasurable one!
Don’t wait for things to get worse! Call Martin Vermaak Divorce and Family Law Specialist Attorneys.