There are many reasons why marriages fail. Although one Spouse can instigate the breakdown of the marriage both Spouses are responsible for the success or failure of such a union. Maybe one Spouse has an affair, or loses all the family money, or beats up the other Spouse: if that other Spouse does nothing about it. It may begin with the disillusionment of one Spouse, but the other Spouses reaction or inaction triggers more negativity and eventually the cancer in the relationship has snowballed beyond the possibility of being cured.
Humans thrive in loving, safe and sound environments so, when they feel insecure, unhappy, rejected and confused they feel threatened and anxious. However, in the hope that bad things will pass, they still tend to remain in their uncomfortable situations, retreating further and further into themselves. In fact, they tend to tolerate all manner of mistreatments and neglect for years rather than end it all. Divorce is reluctantly regarded as the final hurdle, the only exit when all else fails.
The best action would be to see a Divorce Attorney to discover what the Law says about their situation. Alas, instead of this type of enlightenment, many prefer to cocoon and hope it all goes away. People mistakenly think that going to a Divorce Attorney will automatically start the divorce process and they will have no control over such a matter.
Despite it being a common belief among couples that infidelity, cruelty and abuse are the only real grounds for divorce that are recognised by the South African Courts, this is not so. If a married couple can show that they have lost all their love, affection and respect for each other; that their marriage has irretrievably broken down and how that came about; then the Courts are inclined to grant a Decree of Divorce so that the couple concerned can move on with their separate lives.
Below are several reasons that have been most frequently given as reasons for divorces:
This does not necessarily imply sexual incompatibility, but, when one Spouse is not being emotionally or physically or intellectually fulfilled, they will seek that missing component elsewhere. This can be perceived as betrayal or neglect.
Committing adultery or cheating as its become known, is one of the most popular reasons for divorce. It is a violation of trust which should be the foundation for any relationship - and opens the door on all manner of evil for many marriages. Quite apart from alienation of affection, there is the matter of sexuality transmitted diseases and even pregnancies.
This is another regular reason for divorce and it can take many forms. Although the public usually think of it as a physical or sexual act, it can also be psychological, financial or emotional. Further, despite it being generally perceived as something committed by the husbands, evidence shows that wives are becoming equally abusive towards their men verbally, emotionally, and physically. Heterosexual and same sex couples all too often cite domestic violence and abuse as the primary reason for divorce.
If a marriage is already on rocky ground, there is nothing like disputes over finances to push things over the edge. Financial disagreements and fights pile on the stress of a troubled marriage and contribute towards resentment and bitterness.
Just as with abuse, the general public tends to file this one away under drink and drugs. However, pornographic addiction through magazines, strip clubs, DVDs and the internet are a serious compulsion that can cause the breakdown of a marriage. Also on the list of addictions are gambling casinos, horse racing, the internet, smoking, eating, shopping, video games, and even work have been listed as reasons for divorce.
Sometimes, when the couple has different religious beliefs, the behaviour of a Spouse devoted to their choice of religion can cause serious damage to the marriage especially when they try to convert their Spouse to their own religious preference. These differences can spiral when they involve Minor Children and a decision has to be made in which religion the Children will be instructed.
All too often, Spouses disagree on the upbringing of their Minor Children. Sometimes one of the parents will try to relive their own childhood through their Children instead of prioritising what is best for their infants. When parents continually differ with their ideas of child raising it causes problems in the marriage. Differences on discipline also create tension and cause the Children to play one parent off against the other. These are all contributory factors towards divorce.
Facebook, Twitter and other Social Networks:
Personal and private matters posted on social networking sites are not as confidential as you think. Social Networking sites have made it all too easy for people to observe other peoples secret activities and comments. There are so very many profiles that are simply one click away.
Flirting, eliciting amorous attention, making sexual innuendo and outright propositioning on Facebook, Twitter and other Social Networks - all have contributed to an increasing number of divorces. Social media offers privacy and family interaction but blurs the line between public and private when all information is shared.
The majority of couples dont discuss the expectations they have both of each other and their marriage prior to the wedding. Later, they discover that their priorities are different and become major issues for many marriages at a later stage. Perhaps one Spouse wants to start a family and the other doesnt; perhaps one wants security by means of large insurances and investments and the other doesnt; or it could be as simple as one Spouse being family focused and the other Spouse making holidays their priority: these differences can cause immense conflict between the Spouses.
Without doubt, the lack of communication is the single biggest cause for divorce. It accounts for almost 70% of all breakdowns in a marriage relationship. No real communication equals no real relationship. Honest communication in a marriage doesnt mean always agreeing with each other: it means discussing things with each other. Couples who can talk things through in a calm and understanding manner can usually find middle ground. Successful compromises are made by meeting each other half way when making decisions. Lack of communication causes endless arguments in all areas of marriage and results in major damage.
The bottom line is that, contrary to popular belief, all of the foregoing and more are grounds for divorce. They all speak of irreparable or terminal relationships and if several of the above situations exist in any one marriage or relationship then the couple concerned must be living in extreme pain from being in an out of control marriage. Such self induced punishment shouldnt exist when there are good Specialist Divorce Attorneys available to give sound legal advice.
So, if you find yourself painfully identifying with any of the foregoing, you need to speak with Divorce Attorneys. Make immediate contact with us at Martin Vermaak Attorneys because you dont deserve the hurt and neither do your children.