He is my first husband but I am his second wife, and I can tell you that we second wives keep on hearing about all the ex husbands who don’t pay maintenance.
We have children from our marriage, but my husband also has children from his first marriage and we make sure we pay the maintenance required by his ex wife. It hasn’t always been easy and we’ve had to get legal help to stop us from losing everything.
In the beginning the relationship between my husband and his first wife was terrible. They were hostile to each other, and she went so far as to refuse him access to his own children. This was because she didn’t want their children mixing with ours or having anything to do with me. As a result of this, my husband’s relationship with his first children suffered badly. In the end he got so depressed about it that it affected his relationship with our children.
I couldn’t let the situation continue, and knew we needed help. I’d already heard about Martin Vermaak Attorneys and their maintenance Specialist. We explained to them that Initially we began paying a certain amount per month for his two children from the first marriage and that she wanted more and there were all these other extra which we simply couldn’t keep up with and still look after our own children.
We were losing a big financial battle, and in such a fix that the money it cost us was really an investment to get our future payments adjusted and brought in line with what we could afford. The Attorneys were informative and went into action right away. I was surprised because I’ve heard stories of Attorneys taking years to get a result.
Now, with the help of our Maintenance Attorneys, we have been able to get that amount reduced by one third and because of this we have been able to continue to pay this amount for more than six years now.
All in all, we’ve decided that if ever there are future problems over Maintenance, etc., we’ll go straight back to Maintenance Attorneys because they made things right in our household in no time at all.
There are those ex wives – a great many of them – who think that by refusing ex spouses access to their children, it puts them in control and in a position where they can demand more money. These ex wives also display huge jealousy when their children appear to be getting on well with their fathers and their fathers’ new wives. Their mothers consider this as disloyalty and betrayal on the part of their children.
I agree that money is important and I do think that ex husbands who don’t have primary residence of their children should most certainly be paying maintenance for the support of their children. However, I totally disagree that children should be used as pawns to obtain maintenance – that is wrong. Specialist Maintenance Attorneys are the people to whom you should take these problems. They are really cost effective and sort out the situation double fast.
The poor minor children feel torn between their two parents and, when forced, tend to side with the parent who has primary residence. That parent feels triumphant and the other parent feels rejected and helpless. The reason I know all this is because nowadays I get on much better with the ex wife than my husband does. We’ve built bridges and established a dialogue for the sake of the children. She and I have often sat and discussed these feelings.
To any second wives out there with husbands who have children from a first marriage, let me say this: Don’t tell those children what and what not to do – it’s not your place; and don’t try to play Mom to them. They already have a mother whom they love unconditionally. Be understanding, kind and friendly and don’t expect anything from them. Take it easy – one step at a time. Eventually, the best that could happen is that you’ll all end up friends – or not – it all depends on how you handle things. Just remember – those children were there first.