Did You Marry a Person or an Idea?
When you got married was it actually to a person or just an idea? Did you really know that person inside out and accept them as they actually were at that time? Or, were you tempted by the vision of it all? The picturesque cottage and the living happily ever after dream are all wonderful in the movies and they’re exactly what we’ve been programmed for but – do they really exist? Did you think you were on the shelf? Did you think you could change that person to the way you wanted them after marriage? Whatever it was, after a while you woke up from your trance and realised that you were married to this person who wasn’t perfect. You also realised that none of those things you wished-for-upon-a-star for were going to materialise and, because you blamed your spouse for this disappointment, you decided to get divorced.
The Spouse is Out but Marriage is Still In
Now you’re at the point where it’s your ex spouse who has let you down and not your expectations of the marriage. So, your ex spouse is out of favour with you but you still want to be married. The first thing you need to do is to re-examine your ideas about marriage before you get into a serious relationship with anyone else. There are people who marry and divorce several times for all the same reasons and then wonder what is wrong with all the other people in the world.
Unfortunately, either a serious adjustment in your marriage expectations is required or prepare for heartache and disenchantment. While you’re thinking about things, don’t forget to consider that you may never re-marry: either through not meeting the right person, or because you discover a better alternative: examine every possibility before you embark on your single life.
Being Single Is Fashionable These Days
It’s interesting to note that about one of every three adults is single – and the other two are probably married to each other! Being single is fashionable and its popularity is growing. Other trends are that people are getting married later in life, and their marriages are for a shorter period of time. There are many advantages to being single and adopting that way of life, and people are discovering this fact nowadays.
Relationship Addicts Go Through Withdrawal
The plain truth is that relationships are addictive. The general rule of thumb is that the longer the relationship endures, the more addictive it becomes.
A drug addict goes into withdrawal when they quit taking their illegal narcotic – they know that with a fix or two they can cheat those withdrawal pains. An alcoholic can maybe stay off the booze for a very long time but once they hit an emotional low when something goes wrong in their lives, they need that comfort and have to fight really hard to stop themselves reaching out for the familiar consolation of the alcohol – they know that if they can keep sneaking more drinks they don’t have to go through the hangover. The same applies to cigarette smokers who sneak a few puffs here and there when they’re in a stressful situation.
Long relationships are habit forming. You become addicted and withdrawal is really tough; no matter that you knew the drug was destroying you. So, just like the illegal narcotic, the alcohol or the cigarette; you will definitely find it hard to not go back to your poisonous relationship. Rationally you know you shouldn’t but you are also an addict and you might well come up with the most pathetic excuses why you should be contact with your Ex.......after all, were only human. So beware, and be warned. If you’re going through divorce right now you could be your own worst enemy!
Go Cold Turkey – Don’t Taper Off
OK, so you’re going to be miserable and bad company for quite a while. Cold Turkey quitting is still the best way to handle this. It will be over sooner. So don’t prolongue the agony – if you’ve ever dislocated some part of your body you’ll know that it’s better to have it slotted back into position quickly that slowly. If it needs to be done, then do it quickly and irrevocably.
Admit You’re in Pain – It’s Normal
People will try to help you pretend it isn’t there. This situation is difficult for them and they want it to go away and you to return to your normal self. Your friends will get you out for a few drinks and maybe it doesn’t seem so bad at that time. Not long after that you still have the withdrawal pain and now you also have a hangover. Don’t try to escape and pretend the pain it isn’t there. Ending a relationship is hard. Go home, climb into bed and have your rainy day. Later on you’ll feel good that you’ve done this.